Devil Dog Strikes!

I've noticed lately that Jack breath has been RANK!!

I've tried everything. He won't let me brush his teeth because he just wants to chew on the toothbrush. He will not however, chew on any type of dog chew that cleans teeth and freshens breath. I have a additive for his water and then he won't drink it...*sigh* Jack really is a very sweet well behaved dog, he just likes to thwart my attempts at being the owner and not his pet.

I had to take him to the vet to get him updated on his shots and get his flea pill (yeah, they make a pill now, Isn't that great?!) which usually makes him throw up and I have to go get another one. Turns out he has developed periodontal disease which apparently is common in his breed. (It should be Yorkshire TERROR)
"He needs to have his teeth cleaned." they tell me. "It is a small surgical procedure." she says.

WTF?!?! I upgraded his doggy insurance plan to save the surgery fees and he goes in tomorrow morning to get put under. He is going to do something terrible to me I just know it. This last time he went in they had to squeeze the shit out of his bung-hole - Literally. (expressing anal glands) If you watch the video, you will see how unpleasant it must be for him, but moreso for me if I were forced to do this myself.

I will update you on how the "surgery" goes...

That look just screams "OH, NO YOU DIDN'T!"

The dog ate my homework and other excuses…

So last night night after blogging I got a case of the late night munchies and went to the kitchen to eat some leftover potato salad and play a game on my phone. I returned to my bedroom 15 minutes later to find the Doodle sound asleep in my bed along with my 14lb Yorkie. (He’s neither fat nor big boned – he’s a standard. Bigger, not yappy and no nervous system problems from being bred so small)

I have NO idea how these two very small beings can take up so much room. See the pictures below. They take up almost an entire king sized bed. I have approximately 10 inches of space on one side of the bed in which to lay my weary body.

You can see here the space to the left of Jack all the room that I have.

I woke Jack up on accident taking the first picture and he turned into devil dog, you see why I'm afraid to make him move.

Now, you may not know this about me, but I am NOT a morning person by any means. I also have a hard time falling asleep at night. Light, noise, 11 year old feet kicking and a 5 year old Yorkie stealing my pillow are not conductive to a good nights rest for me. These interruptions in my sleep pattern only serve to make it ever harder for me to wake up on time in the morning, despite the 9 alarms that are set to coax me out of my slumber.

Yes, I said 9 alarms. I told you that I am not a morning person. I have 2 alarm clocks, one of which is set across the room. Both alarm clocks have 2 alarms set on them and another 5 on my phone.

So I took these pictures last night to use for a blog some other day and I woke up this morning to a phone call from The Best Friend at 8:30am asking “Where the hell are you and why aren’t you at work yet?” I am supposed to be at work at 8:00am.

Oh, the irony.

P.S. My being an hour late to work today did not hinder my wonderful co-workers from brightening up my office with surprise flowers for my 1 year anniversary. It did not go unoticed by the boss man, though he did wish me a happy anniversary.

Anniversary flowers

Things that I love...

I love to sing out loud when no one is around - or in the car where perfect strangers in the cars around me can see and shoot me those "You fucking weirdo" looks. You've all done it. Maybe a few of you have been on the singing end too. I like to smile and wave when I catch their eyes.

I love Willie Nelson's Georgia on my mind. It always makes me feel...that's it, it just makes me feel. Don't we all have a song like that?

I love to take a bath sometimes and just lay my head back with just my nose and mouth poking out above the water and relish the silence and the muffled sound of my own breathing. THAT is peace. Toes in the grass or sand to connect to Mother Earth - head under water to connect to myself. I think that it has been too long since I've had a bath...

I love random acts of kindness. I like to believe that it restores someones faith in mankind, because it does for me. I'm kind of like Anne Frank that way. I think that for the most part people are inherently good - or really want to be.

" I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.."

I love to get lost in music. To put in the earphones, turn it up, close my eyes and let it take me away. It's almost like everything in the universe disappears but me.

I love to ride a horse and although I'm not supposed to, I trust that majestic creature to take us where it wants to. With my eyes closed the wind blows through my hair, the sun warms my skin and the smell of grass, trees adn the sweat of the horse surround me. It's everything that I don't have to see to know it's there. It reminds me of what faith is.

We need to remind ourselves of all the things that we love - to know that we can find happiness in the smallest of things, even if they are just a series of spuratic far between moments that we can linger in now and then. They exist and so do we.

Ironic Serendipity

My life is a series of happy little accidents. When I let things happen against my better judgement, because I am just going with the flow,  it seems to take a 180 and land me somewhere unknown.

I look for water and all I can find is 4,000 tons of sand...so how do I find something serendipitous in the topsy turvy irony of what initially presented itself as such a serendipitous event? Ironic isn't it? A big confusing cycle at best.

So do I just decide to be content sitting and building sandcastles? I don't see the point in the time it takes to keep building something of no real use to me. I'm on a journey of self discovery that will hopefully teach me to enjoy the ride, to find happiness and magical wonderment in the shapes the sand can take.

They say (Whoever "they" are..they seem to know a lot about everything and I'd love to meet them someday) that everything happens for a reason and everything will come around in time. Maybe, just maybe if I engross myself in that magic long enough - the tides of water will eventually come to wash them away...

Keep On Keepin' On

I suck at the blogging thing. I sent out the announcement of my blog in my Christmas cards, then I set this as my homepage to remind me everytime I go on-line that it's still here, waiting for a reason to exist and I still don't write anything. I have scheduled time at night to blog and then it lose that time to something more pressing. I have done everything that I can think of to bring the pressure to follow through and write.

Me thinks I have figured out my problem though. They say the first step is admitting that, right?

I think that I need to get over thinking that every blog needs to be a spectacular piece of literature and just write fercryinoutloud!

So, to get my juices flowing ...sicko, the creative juices, I will tell you about me through my un-edited stories and hopefully you will find something interesting in it. If you at least crack a smile I will feel successful.

Oh and I placed my laptop on my nightstand to force me to look at this blog page every time I go to bed and wake up....





My nightstand

 We shall see how this works...

Fairytales...Fact or Fiction?

Do I have to be Cinderella to believe in the fairytale?

I can certainly be enveloped in the web of fantasy being woven, but then reality always comes a knockin' and brings me to my senses. Must I ignore all sense of logic and reality to allow myself to be swept away or can I find a balance?

My depiction of a balanced love - one part fantasy, one part reality

I suppose that my life just isn't built to nurture an environment conductive for romance and the like. Perhaps I'm just not hardwired to accept it....or maybe it is simply my unique - I say unique rather than odd to make me feel less inferior - flow of emotion, or lack thereof.

Although significant others in my past have accused me of being "emotionally unavailable" - one went so far as to use the term "emotionally bankrupt" - that is simply not true. These statements confused me really because I have an entire gamet of emotion. I know this, because I feel them. My emotions are unique so much as how I express them (or do not as the case may be).

The Best Friend and I agree that I must have a small "Y" chromosome hanging out in my DNA. I am convinced at times that I would have done better as a male, socially speaking.

In my experience men are really bad at controlling their emotions. Me? I cry upwards of 4 times annually. I've seen men that cry frequently and put me to shame, which is supposed to be a female trait. We females are supposed to be the emotional gender. The emotional men that I've known only make me feel less like a female. Or what we think a female should be like.

I actually asked a few female friends if they could teach me to be more feminine. I asked for girl lessons, begging "Please, teach me how to be a girl." They laugh because 95% of what comes out of my mouth is a joke...but there is almost always truth to joking. Maybe the fantasy just can't happen to a lady that doesn't act like one. I never thought I'd say this, but I am sick of being just one of the guys.

For instance, I had (have still, let's just be honest in the quest to better ourselves) a huge crush on a friend of mine. He's so used to me being as I am that whenever he introduces me to another friend of his and they slip up and say something that should not be laid upon the ears of a lady and they try to apologize - he stops them to say "Oh, no. You don't have to worry about offending her, she's just like a guy so it's cool."

I don't really want to be "cool" anymore, dammit.

I want to be swept off of my feet - if that is possible. I want to feel the earth move below me - I've heard it talked about. Must I re-invent myself to have that possibility? Am I lying to myself when I say that the right guy will come along and see the better part of me on his own? That he will want me badly enough to find it, see it and love me because of or in spite of it. Is my "Love me, love all of me" philosophy unattainable?

I don't consider myself jaded. I don't place any past experience blame on someone new. I'm actually a very tolerant (in the true definition of the word) and open person. I think that I may have meant it at one time, but now I'm just trying to convince myself that finding someone to share my life with, finding someone to - dare I say it - love is last on my priority list. It somehow creeped up to the list when I wasn't paying attention.

I know I have work to do to be the person that I want to be. I will take it all one step at a time. I won't see emotion as weakness. A friend told me today that your tears do not diminish your strength and I will try to rewire myself to believe that.

Although I'm not quite sure yet that I believe in the fairy tale, I recognize what it is and I am open to allowing myself to believe in the possibility that it does exist  - And that is a pretty good place to start.